Uncommon Friends

No one walks any road truly alone. We may have villains we have fought or tried to outrun or faithful friends who have traveled with us - but no one walks alone. An uncommon journey must have uncommon friends to accompany us. I think of JRR Tolkien's "Fellowship of the Ring" where Frodo is running off to certain danger, having left the fellowship of his friends behind. Frodo realizes how dangerous the road is becoming and decides to go on his own to save his friends. Samwise Gamgee, his companion from the beginning, sees him traveling by boat and follows by foot into the water, even though he can't swim. Frodo shouts back to him "Go back, Sam. I'm going to Mordor alone." Sam replies, "Of course you are, and I'm coming with you."

This is hands-down my favorite line of an uncommon friend ever penned to a page. Sam realizes two things - Frodo is trying to go off on his own AND Sam cannot let that happen.

In uncommon journeys, where the road is twisting and covered in branches; where there are dangers to face and certainly more danger unknown lurking in the distance; where the road often seems to be facing a steep grade upwards and holds few places to rest. Here, in these uncommon journeys, traveling partners are few. Many join us in the open wide spaces of rest and beauty. By the streams and blooming trees, it is easy to find company. But in the dark, hard places of life, friends become few and far between. Frodo knows that as much as he loves a few of his fellowship, the full group cannot make the journey with him. And like Frodo, our own lives have fellowships of people traveling by our side. Some are closer than family. Some are simply along the same road because of similar goals. And some remain nearby, even though you wish they would leave. The Uncommon Journey does not have room for this many travelers. And so, the empty road before you seems like a call to isolation. A call into difficulty or challenge which must be met in our own strength.

And then there's Sam.

Sam realizes Frodo's bravery (and foolish pride) in running off alone. Sam's commitment to his friend is more important than even Frodo's own wishes. Sam can see that whether Frodo wants it or not, the journey is not meant to be done alone. Sam chooses to put himself in harms way by following a dangerous path. But Frodo puts himself in more harm by not asking Sam to come along. Sam saves Frodo from himself. (And for those who know the stories, this is not the last time Sam will have to do so.) Sam is an uncommon friend who sees friendship as the quest. Frodo's quest was to destroy the ring. Sam's quest was to save Frodo.

Your uncommon friends do not have to share the same quest to be willing to walk it with you. And your uncommon friends will not be the ones who always tell you what you want to hear.

Uncommon friends hold you accountable to yourself. They reflect a truer version of reality - a deeper reality and are willing to push forward when others pull back. Uncommon friends say the words that hurt and heal all in the same sentence. When Sam replies "of course you are, and I'm coming with you" he is both affirming and contracting Frodo all at the same time. He is making a bigger commitment to Frodo that Frodo wanted to receive. He is revealing the truth of the nature of the task that Frodo didn't want to admit. He is loving Frodo beyond what Frodo was able to accept.

Some of us are blessed to have uncommon friends in our spouses. I have a husband who walks each road with me, no matter how hard the climb. And yet, I am even more blessed to have some uncommon friends who will enter into this journey in a different kind of love. A love of accountability. A love of truth-telling. A love of reflecting my failings not to discourage me, but to support me as I reach for something more. An uncommon friend won't let you give up.

At the culminating moment of the journey to destroy the ring, Frodo collapses. He simply can't move on. Sam picks him up saying ""I can't carry it for you, but I can carry you."

Sam's mission was not to destroy the ring but to support Frodo. When it looked like Frodo might fail, Sam didn't let him give up or back down. He is willing to physically carry him forward. This is the ultimate act of the uncommon friend. The uncommon friend sees past the momentary discomfort or hardship and moves you forward when you have no power left in yourself.

Our world is a culture of excuses and exceptions. In the name of self-esteem, everyone is a winner and everyone receives the prize. When life gets too tough, we are surrounded by media full of reasons why it really wasn't reasonable to keep going. Failure is replaced with nearly infinite partial credit. The fatal flaw in this logic is that what seems like love and encouragement eventually gives way to a list of "might-have-beens" and "wish I had".  The uncommon friend is willing to have you get mad at them for the sake of your best.

I am thankful to already be able to picture the few faces who may be with me on this journey. I hope that I am willing to serve them in the same way they have so faithfully walked with me.