The Ongoing Challenge

I've started up on the Whole Life Challenge again. This was the breakthrough event of earlier this year that led to me seeing new levels of discipline, self-control and huge gains in life. I loved the challenge and I won for our Crossfit Box. I was so excited to get back on the challenge in May that I immediately began recruiting people to join me.

So we are now a few weeks into the challenge and I am doing horribly. In fact, I think I am doing worse now than when I was in between challenges. It's really started to make me mad and so I have had to reflect on why this is happening. The answer, as plain as day, is also the ugly truth.

I haven't engaged any mental or spiritual components to the challenge yet.

Going into January's challenge, I would pray about it. I would think about it. I would journal about it. Every morning I had a challenge reflection journal (not the required reflection post, but my own personal journal) where I mentally prepared to face the day. I wanted to win the challenge and I was making the effort (spiritual, metal and physical) to bring about that reality.

We have all grown up in a world, much like Ancient Rome, where the present is elevated and life is about feeling happy in the moment. The concept of an orgy was not just sexual to the Romans. They would have feasting parties where the goal was to eat everything they could until the vomited and then eat some more. They would drink to excess using the same process. To win over the masses (who were impoverished and dying of disease and hunger) they would hold games in the colosseum and feed everyone who attended for free. They distributed bread and held massive parties open to the public during the Triumphs of Julius Caesar. Food was not food - food was a celebration. Food was medicine. Food was comfort. And we live in a culture that is a stone's throw away from this same perspective. All commercials tell you to indulge in what's bad for you, because you deserve it. There is no more concept of self-control as a virtue - the virtue celebrated in our culture is instant gratification. So we American's as a culture throw away 40% of our food (just think of any restaurant if you think this number seems to high) and we eat whatever we feel like at the time.

The challenge goes toe to toe with this idea and says, eat what will actually make your body work well and feel good over the long haul. The challenge gives indulgence points to make room for those times that there are special things to celebrate (birthdays and weddings and the occasional date night) but holds us accountable to doing what is right instead of what feels right, right now. You don't have to read very many writings of Paul to see him address these same issues in scripture. Self-control is often found in lists describing what a Spirit led life looks like. Paul grew up in those times of Roman excess - he saw the culture around him and knew that it was hard to resist. He knew that the human interaction with food, in that type of culture - our type of culture, is a spiritual battle, not a battle of the flesh.

The owner of Crossfit Uncommon, Pete, really started to get frustrated as the challenge went on, reading posts of people talking about indulging in some forbidden food and then paying the price the next day in their workout or by how they felt. He wrote that knowledge was the key to help yourself make better choices - knowing what the food does to your body will keep you from eating it.

I think of Josh or Bunny or any of the other people we know with allergies and we would never give them food that makes them sick. Yet I willing eat yummy food that I know will make my stomach hurt later all the time. I've struggled with my weight, with arthritic inflammation, headaches and depression. Food directly impacts all of these. A clean diet (and Paleo diet in my case) dramatically helps each of these issues. And yet I give into my cravings for Chumleys, for Poblanos, for the extra glass of wine, and so on and so on.

This battle we have is not with food - it is with ourselves and our fallen nature. This culture we live in is nothing new - it just has new ways of promoting itself with the internet and portable electronic devices. The same God Paul relied on through his process of dying to himself to live for Christ is the same God we serve. The same Spirit that gave him strength is indwelling us.

Now, I'm not trying to beat anyone over the head with spiritual guilt. But I am wanting to be very clear with myself - and anyone else who finds this helpful - this challenge or any other challenge in life, is not meant to be faced alone. It is meant to be done through the power of the Holy Spirit in reliance on Him. It is meant to be done in prayer. It is meant to be done in community. I now put this out into the atmosphere - I will have perfect points for the remainder of the challenge. Not because God expects perfection - but because in His strength, it is possible.

Challenge accepted. Again.

A day off..

Today I am taking a day off from life.

I've been trying to come down with some sort of cold, but even though I don't feel measurably worse, I decided to take a day off from life. Because every once in awhile we don't need to be a person.

I've been binge watching "Parenthood" while grading seemingly infinite stacks of papers, just because I can't seem to keep my focus without noise in the background. This show has captivated my attention (admittedly much more than my students papers) because of the simple way of telling the story of people living life.

I watch what my husband has deemed a "happy-go-lucky chick show" and pondered why I care so much about these fictional people. This large family walks through ordinary situations of bullying, marital stress, holidays, rebellious teenagers and other every day things in an awkward, backwards, fumbling and apologetic way. It's life - ordinary, every day life.

And so today, I take a break from my to-do list and goals and schedule and instead revel in finishing my grading and clearing out my email in-box and stay all day in my yoga pants. When my last grades were entered, I pulled out a mostly empty pint of cookies and cream ice cream and dug around with my spoon selecting the largest chunks of cookie that I could find.

And so I sit  - on the couch - having eaten a lot of ice cream (which will probably come back to haunt me later) - watching someone else's story, while I press pause on my story.

This morning as I read in Hebrews 10:23, it says "Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful." This verse made me think about how the story line of our lives is wrapped up in the identity of who Christ is - not in ourselves. We spend our days walking through our schedules, checking off our lists and trying to make the most of each day. But the truth is that we spend our days trying to do things that are meaningful, but the deepest meaning comes from the fact that God is faithful. I can take a day off and it doesn't make me less of a person - it doesn't make me a failure; because who I am is not the same as what I do.

Parenthood is a great show of a loving family and their ups and downs, but the anxiousness that runs through their lives is because their family is all they have. Their faith is in each other - which means the ups and downs of the relationships completely rocks their lives. And yet for us, we have a hope without wavering - nothing that rocks us. The author of Hebrews also states that this hope is "an anchor for our soul".

I picture a ship out in the ocean - the waves and the storm may rock the ship and cause it to toss and turn in really scary ways. But when your confidence is in an anchor that is sure and unwavering, the storms won't undo you - they may shake you and drench you in cold salt water, but you won't be undone.

I spent a long time living as if my to-do list was all I ever had to offer and the way to justify my time. I could say I mattered, because I could point to all the ways I was indispensable. I desperately wanted to stop, but I was afraid if I stopped I wouldn't be deserving of anyone's love anymore. But since I've discovered what it means to have an anchor for your soul, I can have a day off. I don't have to produce - I don't have anything to prove. Ice cream and strechy pants work just fine for me.