It hits me at the most random times...walking down a hallway at Purdue, driving in my car, sitting on my couch reading a book. There's no obvious trigger, but my subconscious knows that I am grieving...aching...missing....
This summer three dear friends move to far off places. Thanks to technology, they are a simple FaceTime call away and yet things will be different. As their lives blossom and grow in new places, with new friends and new experiences, staying current - relevant becomes harder. We've all had the best intentions to keep up with far away friends to find ourselves going weeks without contact, or letting Facebook replace real connection, or dwindling down to the Christmas card and annual generic letter that accompanies the best photo we could find from that year. And the face to face visits let you pick right up with the laughter and common ground, and yet there is an unspoken gap between you. The gap of all the daily life which occurred without regular contact. We are all so busy it's hard enough to keep up regular contact with those who live in town. Add hundreds of miles and different time zones, the challenge grows.
While it's not a lost cause, to think that relationships won't change over time and distance is simply naive. No matter how intentional you try to be, the relationship must change. It cannot look the same as when you lived in closer proximity. And yet...what if the change is for the better....
Maybe it's wishful thinking on my part, but I have been pondering if having a friend move away could actually add depth to the relationship over time. Everyone wants to be wanted. What if your friendship shows even greater levels of devotion as each person actively pursues the other? What if the intentionality and time required to maintain regular contact demonstrates a deeper love and appreciation for the relationship? What if the relationship can be an anchor in a sea of change - saying "no matter where you go or what happens to you, I will be here". It's one thing to say the words, but another to prove it to be true.
When my husband was deployed time and time again, in some ways it was easier to love him (hard to argue with a guy at war) but it was definitely harder to communicate that same love across the ocean and desert that separated us. But when I reread the letters from those deployments, I hear the very purest parts of our heart for each other. The one that says "My love for you is not dependent on fun activities, common experiences or even the joy I have in seeing your smile. My love for you is simply that - my love for you. Because of who you are."
And so I say to those three wonderful women who will no longer meet me for coffee or sit next to me at church....follow your path - and I will celebrate your new life with you - because my love for you is simply that - a love of who you are. Time and distance will not change that. But don't be surprised when I break down in tears during those random moments when the loss of your smile hits me. You can't care this much without experiencing the bittersweet ache that comes with change.
