I have two answers to this line of questioning - the theoretical that I know to be true and the functional of what I am trying to live out. I'll start with the theoretical.
If I am living free of fear, I should be doing less, I should be receiving more quality rest and I should be experiencing a higher degree of satisfaction and peace. Theoretically, the 100% all out life is easier than the life of fear. Here's a couple tangible examples from my own life:
- Every night at 8:00pm the crossfit workout for tomorrow is posted on Facebook. I look at it and immediately know whether or not this is going to be extra hard for me or hurt or be uncomfortable. If I am scheduled to go to that workout, I now have hours to worry about it. I can lay awake at night staring at the ceiling trying to imagine just how awful it will be. No rest there.
- There is tension in a relationship and I am afraid to go into those places that are difficult and strained. I want it to be better but I'm afraid of making it worse. My mind become preoccupied with how the conversation might go and my brain is busy swirling through scenarios of conversations (which almost always go poorly in my head). I worry. I can't sleep. I'm preoccupied throughout the day. I'm stressed.
- In effort to make sure people aren't disappointed in me, I say yes, even when I don't really have time or energy. I start filling up my schedule with things that are not what God is calling me to, but simply a reaction of mine - fear of saying no - fear of confrontation - fear of disappointment. And the time for other things simply disappears.
- Due to my pride and fear of losing my reputation, I have an expectation of how much I think I can do and how well it should be done. A party isn't just a party - it's the best party I've ever thrown and better than everyone else's parties. In effort to make sure I look great (or at least better than my peers) I have to go above and beyond, proving my worth. Solidifying my role as the best. And so every activity becomes a competition with myself and with others - even though no one wins at this game. I'm not doing extra because I want to - I'm doing more because I'm afraid of not being enough.
A life free of fear would eliminate so much of the crowding in my schedule. My sleep would dramatically improve and my mental state would be calm and peaceful. In this state, the relentlessly fearless life, becomes a serene and restful life. In the times that are now freed from my previously fear induced activity, I can enjoy a good book, a long walk or even an episode of Gilmore Girls with my daughter. In my free mental state I can be productive when I need to be productive and experience a rested mind when I don't really need to be doing anything. I can sleep in peace.
So how do I break the cycle? How do I determine what is busy work or fearful work and what is actual a necessity in life?
- Change the measure of success: I work full time (between 2 part time jobs), have three kids, a husband, a household to run and local friends and family whom I love. I can't also maintain a list of 6 or 8 or 10 things to do each day. I can do 3. Three things outside of my work and regular household routine. If I forget the fear of my reputation or rejection, I'm not trying to prove anything to anyone. I can just do a normal day's worth of activity. And that means choices. I'm going to have to choose to not do things. I'm going to say no to people. I'm going to not have the "greatest" _____________ all the time. Some days will be more productive than others but I can't run myself ragged or perpetually feel behind.
- Stop comparing: 100% can look like a lot of different things to different people. When I say I want to give 100% to something, that is not a relative measure. It is a definitive measure set by how God made me. Mine won't look like anyone else's and therefore cannot be compared. I know when I've done my best and I certainly know how it feels to think my best isn't good enough. I need to let that go. It's not about trying to do something less well, but trying to be realistic about what my best looks like - not motivated by pride or fear.
- Less knowledge can be better: Sometimes fear of the unknown stems from knowing just enough to be afraid of it. Knowing the workout is what makes me afraid - because then I dwell on it. Having a practice conversation in a tense situation makes me afraid - because it's already gone badly in my mind.
God didn't tell Abraham everything he would experience to receive the promised son or tell Paul everything that a life of missions would bring. They obeyed based on the knowledge He gave in that moment. Just one step.
Francis Chan "Forgotten God" talks about walking in the Spirit as taking just one step at a time, without knowing the full big picture. The unknown brings fear because we wonder whether or not we are prepared. But prepared for what? We imagine the worst for ourselves and our lives, because that is what drives our fear. But freedom from fear means we don't allow our minds to create scenarios that are never meant to happen. That we have not been given a spirit of fear, but of power, love and self control. The opposite of fear or the key to boldness include power, love and self control. Part of self control is not just saying no to chocolate, but of refusing to let our emotions take us places we don't belong and not letting our minds contrive lies instead of focusing on God's truth. The sword of the Spirit is God's word (Eph 6:17). Our weapon against lies, those from without and those within, come in the truth of God's word.
My dad used to say to me almost every day before we went to school or at the end of an email "be strong and courageous". The passage in Joshua is such a beautiful declaration of God's faithfulness, but I rarely live in light of that promise or the charge God gives. God doesn't say "be strong and courageous and earn my love and acceptance." Joshua 1:9 reads : "This is my command—be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”
A life without fear is not one I am supposed to drum up within myself on my own. It is what I should experience by living in the Spirit. I can't do it on my own. The steps I list above are not a new to-do list to worry about failing. It's not a new measure which I feel inadequate next to. It's not a new comparison for me to evaluate myself against. The steps above are simply tangible ways to be more dependent on the Spirit's leading and less influenced by my mind and my emotions. To measure more of my life against the truth of God's word than the inputs of this world.
The world gives us an overload of examples of what we should look like, what our marriages should be like, what we should own, how much money we should make and what our goals should be. The american christian establishment has it's own standards for looking good enough and christian enough and how to be the best friend or what your free time should be spent on. These feed the fear. These feed the lies. These make us restless. Tired. Discouraged.
As I search for rest and peace, my first steps are measuring everything I do against the simple question - is God calling me to this now? If not, I need to pray for the mental and emotional freedom to let it go. Relentless committed to the good God has for me should be the most peaceful, Spirit-filled, satisfying, joyful life imaginable. And that's a measure worth pursuing.
- There is tension in a relationship and I am afraid to go into those places that are difficult and strained. I want it to be better but I'm afraid of making it worse. My mind become preoccupied with how the conversation might go and my brain is busy swirling through scenarios of conversations (which almost always go poorly in my head). I worry. I can't sleep. I'm preoccupied throughout the day. I'm stressed.
- In effort to make sure people aren't disappointed in me, I say yes, even when I don't really have time or energy. I start filling up my schedule with things that are not what God is calling me to, but simply a reaction of mine - fear of saying no - fear of confrontation - fear of disappointment. And the time for other things simply disappears.
- Due to my pride and fear of losing my reputation, I have an expectation of how much I think I can do and how well it should be done. A party isn't just a party - it's the best party I've ever thrown and better than everyone else's parties. In effort to make sure I look great (or at least better than my peers) I have to go above and beyond, proving my worth. Solidifying my role as the best. And so every activity becomes a competition with myself and with others - even though no one wins at this game. I'm not doing extra because I want to - I'm doing more because I'm afraid of not being enough.
A life free of fear would eliminate so much of the crowding in my schedule. My sleep would dramatically improve and my mental state would be calm and peaceful. In this state, the relentlessly fearless life, becomes a serene and restful life. In the times that are now freed from my previously fear induced activity, I can enjoy a good book, a long walk or even an episode of Gilmore Girls with my daughter. In my free mental state I can be productive when I need to be productive and experience a rested mind when I don't really need to be doing anything. I can sleep in peace.
So how do I break the cycle? How do I determine what is busy work or fearful work and what is actual a necessity in life?
- Change the measure of success: I work full time (between 2 part time jobs), have three kids, a husband, a household to run and local friends and family whom I love. I can't also maintain a list of 6 or 8 or 10 things to do each day. I can do 3. Three things outside of my work and regular household routine. If I forget the fear of my reputation or rejection, I'm not trying to prove anything to anyone. I can just do a normal day's worth of activity. And that means choices. I'm going to have to choose to not do things. I'm going to say no to people. I'm going to not have the "greatest" _____________ all the time. Some days will be more productive than others but I can't run myself ragged or perpetually feel behind.
- Stop comparing: 100% can look like a lot of different things to different people. When I say I want to give 100% to something, that is not a relative measure. It is a definitive measure set by how God made me. Mine won't look like anyone else's and therefore cannot be compared. I know when I've done my best and I certainly know how it feels to think my best isn't good enough. I need to let that go. It's not about trying to do something less well, but trying to be realistic about what my best looks like - not motivated by pride or fear.
- Less knowledge can be better: Sometimes fear of the unknown stems from knowing just enough to be afraid of it. Knowing the workout is what makes me afraid - because then I dwell on it. Having a practice conversation in a tense situation makes me afraid - because it's already gone badly in my mind.
God didn't tell Abraham everything he would experience to receive the promised son or tell Paul everything that a life of missions would bring. They obeyed based on the knowledge He gave in that moment. Just one step.
Francis Chan "Forgotten God" talks about walking in the Spirit as taking just one step at a time, without knowing the full big picture. The unknown brings fear because we wonder whether or not we are prepared. But prepared for what? We imagine the worst for ourselves and our lives, because that is what drives our fear. But freedom from fear means we don't allow our minds to create scenarios that are never meant to happen. That we have not been given a spirit of fear, but of power, love and self control. The opposite of fear or the key to boldness include power, love and self control. Part of self control is not just saying no to chocolate, but of refusing to let our emotions take us places we don't belong and not letting our minds contrive lies instead of focusing on God's truth. The sword of the Spirit is God's word (Eph 6:17). Our weapon against lies, those from without and those within, come in the truth of God's word.
My dad used to say to me almost every day before we went to school or at the end of an email "be strong and courageous". The passage in Joshua is such a beautiful declaration of God's faithfulness, but I rarely live in light of that promise or the charge God gives. God doesn't say "be strong and courageous and earn my love and acceptance." Joshua 1:9 reads : "This is my command—be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”
A life without fear is not one I am supposed to drum up within myself on my own. It is what I should experience by living in the Spirit. I can't do it on my own. The steps I list above are not a new to-do list to worry about failing. It's not a new measure which I feel inadequate next to. It's not a new comparison for me to evaluate myself against. The steps above are simply tangible ways to be more dependent on the Spirit's leading and less influenced by my mind and my emotions. To measure more of my life against the truth of God's word than the inputs of this world.
The world gives us an overload of examples of what we should look like, what our marriages should be like, what we should own, how much money we should make and what our goals should be. The american christian establishment has it's own standards for looking good enough and christian enough and how to be the best friend or what your free time should be spent on. These feed the fear. These feed the lies. These make us restless. Tired. Discouraged.
As I search for rest and peace, my first steps are measuring everything I do against the simple question - is God calling me to this now? If not, I need to pray for the mental and emotional freedom to let it go. Relentless committed to the good God has for me should be the most peaceful, Spirit-filled, satisfying, joyful life imaginable. And that's a measure worth pursuing.
