Last year, at this time, I was still the Dean at Ivy Tech, working 70+ hour weeks, traveling 2+ weeks each month, completely disconnected from my friends, family and even my husband and kids. I was literally sick with stress, having chronic infections, pain and migraines. My son was battling with spiritual oppression and our whole household was uneasy. I was wrestling depression, hopelessness and a sense of futility in my work and home life. Our church situation was difficult and we felt completely disconnected from the body of Christ. The best thing in our life was crossfit uncommon and I was almost never able to go to the one place that encouraged me.
I went to this event in 2014 and spent time speaking to a colleague, Dr. Chad Laux, about what a path out of my current profession and into some other position (such as working in a staff role at Purdue could look like). He was very encouraging and I felt like there was actually a future for me that was in a healthy and balanced direction. There was no plan in place but I knew life couldn't continue the way it had been.
A few weeks later, everything changed.
I left my career at Ivy Tech and enrolled as a full time grad student at Purdue. Within a few days of making the decision, I had a part time job offer at Ivy Tech that would help supplement my income. By early spring, we had changed churches and were connecting better in that community. Our home life transformed with my ability to be home and not have to travel as much. I rekindled friendships and took part in life-giving activities that had been absent in my world for years. We found a small group that has already become family to us. My health dramatically improved and so did my mental and emotional well being. It was like a new life.
As I've been studying Job again, I see myself feeling sorry for his relationship with God. He feared God in the Old Testament sense of the word. He knew God was holy and above all creation, answering to no one. While he believed in his own righteousness, there was no framework for him to understand the concept of an intimate loving God during times of crisis. Either God dealt harshly with sinners and favored the righteous - or God treated all men with distain or apathy. Job had a good view of God's holiness but no real concept of God's mercy. His view of God didn't work when everything went wrong. And his "health and wealth" advice-giving friends were no comfort.
But there is another view of God to serve as a framework for us today. This is the view of a Father so loving that He will Himself come down to save us even when we are rejecting Him. This is a Lord and Savior - perfectly holy and infinitely merciful and gracious. This is a God who walked into hell and back out, so that we could be with Him forever.
I don't deserve the graciousness God has provided this past year. But I also didn't deserve His amazing presence with me the years before. God has always provided all of our needs - but so much more than the physical, never once, have we ever walked alone. Job didn't know what it was like to be loved. He thought he had earned God's favor through works - Job didn't know the meaning of grace.
I cannot comprehend the multitude of ways God has interceded in my life and turned things around. Far less can I comprehend the amazing way He held me through that long period of toil and struggle.
I simply cannot fathom the character of the God who loves me this much - but I know He is here. And this year, more than ever before, I am thankful.
No comments:
Post a Comment