A day off..

Today I am taking a day off from life.

I've been trying to come down with some sort of cold, but even though I don't feel measurably worse, I decided to take a day off from life. Because every once in awhile we don't need to be a person.

I've been binge watching "Parenthood" while grading seemingly infinite stacks of papers, just because I can't seem to keep my focus without noise in the background. This show has captivated my attention (admittedly much more than my students papers) because of the simple way of telling the story of people living life.

I watch what my husband has deemed a "happy-go-lucky chick show" and pondered why I care so much about these fictional people. This large family walks through ordinary situations of bullying, marital stress, holidays, rebellious teenagers and other every day things in an awkward, backwards, fumbling and apologetic way. It's life - ordinary, every day life.

And so today, I take a break from my to-do list and goals and schedule and instead revel in finishing my grading and clearing out my email in-box and stay all day in my yoga pants. When my last grades were entered, I pulled out a mostly empty pint of cookies and cream ice cream and dug around with my spoon selecting the largest chunks of cookie that I could find.

And so I sit  - on the couch - having eaten a lot of ice cream (which will probably come back to haunt me later) - watching someone else's story, while I press pause on my story.

This morning as I read in Hebrews 10:23, it says "Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful." This verse made me think about how the story line of our lives is wrapped up in the identity of who Christ is - not in ourselves. We spend our days walking through our schedules, checking off our lists and trying to make the most of each day. But the truth is that we spend our days trying to do things that are meaningful, but the deepest meaning comes from the fact that God is faithful. I can take a day off and it doesn't make me less of a person - it doesn't make me a failure; because who I am is not the same as what I do.

Parenthood is a great show of a loving family and their ups and downs, but the anxiousness that runs through their lives is because their family is all they have. Their faith is in each other - which means the ups and downs of the relationships completely rocks their lives. And yet for us, we have a hope without wavering - nothing that rocks us. The author of Hebrews also states that this hope is "an anchor for our soul".

I picture a ship out in the ocean - the waves and the storm may rock the ship and cause it to toss and turn in really scary ways. But when your confidence is in an anchor that is sure and unwavering, the storms won't undo you - they may shake you and drench you in cold salt water, but you won't be undone.

I spent a long time living as if my to-do list was all I ever had to offer and the way to justify my time. I could say I mattered, because I could point to all the ways I was indispensable. I desperately wanted to stop, but I was afraid if I stopped I wouldn't be deserving of anyone's love anymore. But since I've discovered what it means to have an anchor for your soul, I can have a day off. I don't have to produce - I don't have anything to prove. Ice cream and strechy pants work just fine for me.