Post challenge-196.2 lbsBMI 30Body fat 31.1Hips 46Waist 41.25Workout score - 127
At this moment, with 26 competitors reporting their scores, I am sitting in first place for this challenge. The initial victory is that I even finished the challenge, because I have never done that before. I've always given up at the point that it felt hopeless. I would give in to momentary desires (more sleep, more TV, more food, more wine) and ignore my long term goals. And so I sat in limbo, knowing that I wanted to change and feeling incapable of doing so. The thing is, everyone who took part in the challenge is better than me in some way. I didn't win by being the best - I won by being my best.
We ask our kids, who struggle with being motivated for homework, "did you do your best work". We already know the answer and so do they, but saying the question out loud forces them to admit that they could have put in more effort. I too, needed to force myself to say that I wasn't working as hard as I could. Even in this challenge, I had lazy days and ate a few foods that I shouldn't have. It made me feel sick and lethargic. Winning the challenge feels great - but it doesn't feel nearly as great as I have felt doing the challenge. The process is the true victory.
I am so far from where I want to be and I have major goals that are still on my radar (like that sprint triathlon coming up in just a few weeks) but I am actually walking the path that will get me where I want to go. And that is new.
This path requires loss. This path requires humility. This path requires that you step out of the comfortable places that feel so cozy and put yourself in a place to fail.
My husband is a great example of this. He is currently in the Cross Fit Open, the first part of the competition to find the fittest man and woman on earth. In this international competition, he is going toe to toe with the best of the best. They offer a less difficult workout so that more people can compete, just to be a part of the community of athletes. But if you do the reduced (scaled) version, you can't win. My husband could rock the scaled version of these workouts, but he is choosing to do the very same workout as the best athletes on earth (most of whom are at least 10 years younger than him). It isn't about winning. It's about being willing to put yourself out into a field of competitors that forces you to push beyond what you thought was possible. And I am so proud of his courage and humility - being willing to lose - to gain something greater in himself.
If you want to become more educated in a field, you have to find people smarter than you are and learn from them.
If you want to learn a new skill, you have to find people better than you and let them teach you.
If you want to be stronger than you are now, you have to find people who are stronger than you are and let them coach you.
If you want to be holier than you are now, you need to find spiritual mature believers who can be honest with you and exhort and encourage you.
There is no path to a higher plane that doesn't involve forcing yourself to move beyond where you are now and uncomfortably grow into who you can be.
Paul says in Philippians 3:8 "More than that, I count all things to be loss in view of the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them but rubbish so that I may gain Christ"
Paul had to give up his spiritual pride as a pharisee and let go of his accolades of his birthright and upbringing. To gain Christ, he had to loose himself.
Even Christ Himself gave up his throne and gave up His life to gain us.
I've never really liked losing and for the sake of my pride, I have held back in almost every area of my life. While other people may have thought I was doing well, I rarely did my best. While other people thought I was running at a high capacity, I was never pushing myself to a place of discomfort - the place of growth. While I seemed good compared to others, its because I put myself in positions where I would't be challenge, couldn't come up short, wouldn't seem like I wasn't enough. That box was getting smaller and smaller and I knew I was feeling claustrophobic.
This is still an uncommon journey and I have a long way to go. But I am finally willing to lose...and gaining so much in return!
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